I wish someone would give me a clue, not sure what the outcome would be if I found the answer, but I know it couldn’t be as bad as being clueless
I started this blog to write about the things I get up to. For instance, I spent last week in a Spa, listening to women whinge about everything from husbands to overwhipped butter. Seriously, some people could whinge for the Olympics. I spent 5 hours in a hospital with Mark on the same day I came home. Nice thing to do on my birthday. Yes, I had one of those on Friday. I went down to my daughters and stayed in a cheap hotel without hot water, avoiding killing my what-might-be-one-day-son-in-law. But can I find anything to write. No, not a thing.
The problem I seem to have isn’t writers block, I could write for England, my problem seems to be lack of interest. Not in the writing, but in the doing. I’ve put my clue in a box somewhere. Somewhere safe. I’ve received my clue on a piece of paper. It was beautiful paper, full of promise and hope. It was nicely folded and there for me to open and read whenever I needed inspiration. It read, “this is the clue to the rest of your life, use it wisely”. I thought I was doing the right thing. I folded it up, placed it back in the envelope and then put it in a safe place. I got on with life and forgot about it. Not having a clue makes doing life really hard. You seem to wander aimlessly. You know them times when you walk into the kitchen and you forget why you did so. That’s when you realise you don’t have a clue. The times when you put things away and you put them in the wrong place and never find them again, that’s when you know you didn’t have the clue. When you got involved with someone that you shouldn’t have, let someone take advantage, let someone use you, that’s when you didn’t have your clue with you. When you wake in the morning and you don’t know what to do with yourself and you don’t know what day it is. That’s when you have lost the clue.
My clue is only short, I remember it, sort of, but without it I’m lost. It’s not knowing the clue that matters, it’s using it, keeping it with you and the reassurance it brings.
I know the PIN number to my debit card, but without the card it’s useless, just as I am useless without a clue. So, I’m going to find my clue, I know it’s somewhere.
What does my clue say?
It says, “Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life.” I know that, and I know what it means. Its means that the past cannot be changed and no matter what has happened I cannot let it affect me. It may leave a mark or two, but if I look at every moment as a new one, then I can use it wisely and make today better than tomorrow, and tomorrow will be easier than today. But for that I need my clue. It isn’t a tangible piece of paper tucked in an envelope somewhere, that would be too easy and too volatile, if I lost a piece of paper that held the key to the rest of my life I’d never make it, do you know how much rubbish a writer produces and then discards? No, this clue is written in invisible ink on magic parchment and placed in the realm that only I can reach. What I need to do is take the time to go and look for it. Take the time to really look for what belongs to me, my life.
In the meantime, I think I’ll just carry on bumping into life. Trying to remember why I chose to be where I am, trying to get on with making the most of what I have. You see having been given a clue and now misplacing it, I think I can see the importance of looking after it. The clue is a part of you. It is the invitation to get things right. You can’t just ignore it. Some do and they end up in a real mess.
Another thought is, maybe my clue has gone away to be rewritten, after all life changes, doesn’t it? Now there’s a thought. I’m looking forward to finding a clue now, it could be the start of something exciting and adventurous.