It’s normal to be odd

I never knew I had problems until I got older. Whether the problems got worse as I aged or whether I just didn’t notice them when I was younger, I’m not sure. I’m at that age. You know the age I mean. When we are two and we act up, our parents call it the terrible twos. When we are kids, it’s just a phase we go through. As teenagers, well, we will be teenagers. Twenty is a nightmare, as adults we have to act grown up, but we still want to have fun, so we get caught between a rock and hard place. By thirty we should have it all sussed, but then the problems start creeping in.
My first glitch was caused by a car accident, it left me with an intermittent cranky back. Now it’s just old age that causes the creeks. I was diagnosed with some awful mental disorder and got over it. Nervous exhaustion they called it. It too has left its scars. I’ve got Raynaud’s disorder, don’t panic, it just means I feel the cold a bit more than most and my fingertips go blue. There’s the migraines, the thick corneas, I have to wear glasses. I’ve got low iron levels, not quite anaemic, TFF spell checker, never would have spelt that, but I’m not dyslexic. I have OCD, sometimes, usually when Mark is being lazy. Arthur Itis has set in to my knees, I can play Fur Elise better on my knees in cold weather than I can on guitar. But I’m normal.
I am actually considered to be really fit. Having been to the docs for my once over, I’m quite proud of myself. Yeh, the weights back, its winter, I’ve decided, and my body has agreed that it is better to gather a layer of fat to protect my size 12 figure for a while, so I’m back to a more weather-proof model of myself. The blood pressure behaved for the 20 minutes I was there, both readings being flawless. Resting heart rate, even though I was being poked and prodded, 74bpm.
The thing is, it’s normal to be a complete wreck. I wake up, I ache, I go down the stairs, my knee aches, I sit too long, you get the gist. I cannot remember when it all started, I mean being a woman I had period pains, before that I was always covered in bruises, measles, chicken pox, had a snotty nose or a cough. I bet if you went back through your life, not one of you, no matter how fit you are, could possibly say you had an entire month, crank free.
Here’s the thing, I know that this year has been full of cranks, and not just physical or mental ones. There’s the cranks caused by inanimate objects. Cars breaking down, boilers bursting. Then cranks caused by other people, idiots number crunching your registration plate, yep, had that this year, twice, would you believe it? What about last year, the year before…..yardie yardie ya….
Get over it, boy am I sick of hearing about it. And now is the month of discontent. It is really, listen to the deal, everywhere. At this point I must apologise to Deb and Mike, they made the mistake of asking how I was, and I fired both barrels of Woe is me. I think if one more person says roll on 2018 and good ridden to 2017, I’ll, well I’ll, do something not nice.
Every year at this same time, the world just wants to brush away everything, as though a number on a calendar is going to make a difference. I’ll still wake up on 1st January with back ache, I’ll still have cranky knees, still be hypomanic, a super bitch, get headaches, have accidents and have to deal with the outside world.
WELL HELLO! It’s normal to be odd. It’s normal to suffer grief, not nice and really sad and hard to deal with, I know I’ve lost a close friend this year. If I wasn’t a neurotic mess I wouldn’t be half as much fun. As my dead friend would have told you.
The thing is, the phrase, “I just want everything to be normal,” is redundant, trust me, time to wise up. Granted being rear ended twice in one year isn’t average. Neither is the boiler bursting, but one day, things like this will happen to you too. Keep your aches and pains, foibles and disasters, I don’t want them, I’ve got my own, unless of course you can see the funny side. You don’t need to spread the word. You are not a disciple, go tell to the mountain by all means but keep it off FB, don’t sit in a coffee shop boring the pants off your friend, who clearly has her own troubles. Be aware that everyone can hear you, and planning the murder of your boss really isn’t wise. Oh yes, and if the girl who was in my local coffee shop yesterday in the green dress, is reading this, I’m sorry to hear that you are suffering, but the colour of your discharge being likened to the butter icing on the cake I was about to tuck into, wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
I’m sure you all know by now that I’m only happy when I’m moaning, but on Friday I got the shock of my life. When I explained to a friend that I had to have my whole ceiling in the dining room taken down, due to the boiler bursting she was astonished at how calm I was. You see I was quite excited, it means that my hall as well as my dining room are going to be completely redecorated in the New Year. Nice young men coming and going all day and lots of opportunity to feel young again, (you’re only as young as the man you feel, remember). Oh and the car, well that’s back, fixed and going fine, but Mark has decided that in the New Year I should get a new car. This one has been unlucky. Unlucky, I don’t think so. What? Two accidents and I’ve walked away uninjured from both of them.
So, can I please ask you to stop whinging every December about what a terrible year you’ve had, every year. No, I’m not one of those happy clappy positive chime twangers. I’m a realist. What goes wrong, goes wrong, but when it goes right do we really think about it. My aches are mine, I own them, but I still have everything in the right place. So, thank you 2017, we’ve had a good year together, and I’m still here. December will be awesome and I intend to enjoy it, if you lot stop giving the Woe is me!

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