Being ungrateful

I’ve been whisked away. I’m a creature of habit and if you disturb me I’m like a hippo out of water, devoid of speed and grace. I’ve been whisked away and I’m now in a pure state of confusion.

About two years ago I started to have these weird outbreaks of hives, lumpy pink patches all over my body, swollen lips and a tight throat, I could tell it was an allergy because apart from feeling like Herman Munsters prom date I was alright in myself. Talking to a friend, you know the one, she’s better than a visit to the docs. Having been an ER nurse for more than 20 years she was the guru of all that ails. Having a conversation she asked if I was menopausal, being an informed woman I informed her that I was perimenstrual. Problem solve I was intolerant to dairy or peanuts. Apparently hormonal changes can do that sort of thing. It wouldn’t last for long. I instantly cut out milk and peanut butter, finding the best antihistamine for when my love of cheese and cream got the better of me.

Did I say temporary intolerance. That being two years ago and actually being very careful, I’ve only had the odd skin out break. This morning though I think even the Thing would run a million miles if he caught sight of me, I’m afflicted.

Being at my brothers is bloody hard work at the best of times. It’s 5:30am and I’m done with the morning chores. I’ve no soya milk, no coffee and Sugared Cornflakes are the only breakfast cereal. Tea last night came with milk and I’m lumpy, and pink, did I mention pink. My beautifully cultivation authentic sun bed tan has vanished over night and I’m pink. And I itch, like a bitch on heat. I’ve forgotten my toothpaste, and there isn’t an iron in sight. All in all I should be chomping at the bit and miserable but do you know something, I’m not.

You see I’ve been whisked away by my brother for a very special reason, he’s bought me a car. Alan has this problem with me and cars. Way back when I was young and foolish, mum gave me the cash to buy a car. Being the frugal woman she is, it wasn’t enough to buy the Bugatti I had hoped for, so I went and bought a motorbike. What I can’t understand is why everyone got the hump with me, really! I mean I thought it was brilliant idea. It became the family dinner story for years so I think mum got her money’s worth out of it, and I got my transport for work. Loved my first 125.

About 11 years ago I mentioned to my brother I was looking for a new car, now I’m a bit of a dabbler and although I had my daily sensible car, a good old fashioned Vauxhall Astra, I had also bought and sold Range Rovers, a Mondeo, a vintage Viva, a Skoda, Allegro, made a killing from that one, and I had done a pretty deal on an Omega. Alan however had had enough and took it upon himself to buy me a sensible car. Now I wasn’t ungrateful, but a Fiat, really, Fix It Again Tomorrow! I did my best to be a grateful sister and took my new car with that thank you false grin. Oh boy was I wrong about Fiats. This was a Sport Active, and together we had 4 glorious years of fun. Since then I have had 3 more new cars bought for me, and this is my fifth. The only thing is I wish my brother would give me more notice. Two weeks ago I came to stay and was driving our Toyota Yaris, it didn’t however meet with Alan’s approval. It was too fast, too flashy and would make an ideal Rally car, hence the fact that I was yesterday picked up from home, whisked 180 miles away and today I pick up my new car.

So I’ll tolerate my pink lumps, which seem to be subsiding, the super strength antihistamine prescribed by the hospital is taking effect. I’ll run down to the village in an hour when the Co-op opens to get some coffee before the withdrawal headache sets in, I’ll use the Sensodyne with the funny taste to clean my teeth and rinse really well and Sugared Cornflakes aren’t too bad. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but next time, some warning would be nice. I’m a creature of habit, and although I’m not ungrateful for this unexpected jaunt, I’m feeling like a hippo out of water. As for getting creases out of a tshirt with a hairdryer I’ve had to do worse. Have you ever have to clean chocolate out of a top with sand, but that’s another story….


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