Sitting uncomfortably

Sitting uncomfortably may be the only way to get me off my arse. It’s not the winter break that has got me tied up in knots it’s the hospital and the poking around they have done over the last few days. I’m kernackered and sore. That’s the polite way of saying, if those bastards come near me again with anything that has a camera on the end I’m going to kill them. I believe that everyone in the medical profession should undergo the procedure they perform before they pass comment on it, either that or they should just keep their mouth shut. “This will be uncomfortable,” a euphemism for “It’s going to hurt so brace yourself,” is bloody annoying. So it was comforting when the nurse I was in with told me that she had undergone the procedure herself and knew what I was going to feel like. She was honest and then added “I’ll be as quick as I can and try not to hurt you.”

I survived, what can I say and at first everything was fine, but as the day drew to a close I just got worse by the minute. Then yesterday after the second visit to the hospital I collapsed and the flood of emotions and pain set in for the night. This morning I’m on two cushions and dosed with ibuprofen. It seems that my insides are having a spring clean and trying to find their forever home.

I want to get going and clear up the Christmas spirit. I’ve put away the gin and the vodka, polished off the last of the Christmas Cake and given my bathroom scales an excuse to exist. I do feel sorry for the scales of the slimmers, they never know where they are and get blamed for all sorts of sins. “My scales are broken.” “My scales are always over.” “I’ve stood on my scales.” And they keep losing things, well most do, mine have been generous and given me back 5lb of that which I’d lost.

But off my back side I must get, onwards and upwards. It’s Day 4 of the new year. I don’t have any major goals this year nor do I have any new year resolutions, I just want to get on with my life the best way I can. I’ve already had to cancel one job today because I am in pain. I have broken my diet, smashed it pieces you might say. I’ve just sort of screwed up the diet tracker and thrown it away for a while. I’m not doing anything special and it’s amazing how many spare plastic dishes you can find when you can’t stand long enough to wash up.

I’m an invalid and feeling sorry for myself. It is a temporary setback. It better be, I’m off to see the Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra next week and I have the dentist.

For now, I’m sitting on uncomfortable cushions and it’s working. I need to get up and start the day. One step at an, ouch, time!

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