Straight

A straight line, always sounds good. Straight to the point, straight away, he was as straight as they come, it’s a straight question. I draw straight lines, I’m one of those unusual people that can get a pen, put it to paper and just do it. I don’t have to mark it out, I don’t have to measure point to point or use a rule. I just steady my wrist and draw. Then I draw the next straight line. The intention is always to draw it parallel, but unfortunately it doesn’t always happen that way. It sort of deviates a tad, then I get bored with the straight line and add something, like a flower or a pattern, or I start making diamonds or swirlygigs. I am not a straight person it seems.

In certain circles of friends, I have to be careful, I can’t say that. I’m straight, I have a husband and I was born and I am a woman. My gay friends would laugh at me and my transgender friend would be on the floor in stitches. Note please that haven’t said normal anywhere in this conversation. I like circles they have kept my life going, If I didn’t go around in circles from time to time I’d stop and there would be no progression. Circles keep you going whilst you figure out in which direction you want to go. And boy, am I going around in circles at the moment.

I’m about to put the world in order and bang, the spaceship of my life that is whizzing through the Universe gets hit by an alien force. (You’ll have to excuse that analogy we are watching the reruns of the reruns of the reruns of Star Trek Voyage at the moment. I’d like to plot their journey through the Delta Quadrant, that was definitely not a straight line!)

Do I
A) Fire Back
B) Abandon Ship
C) Surrender
D) Die
E) Do nothing

The last one always got me, as an advisor we were always taught that the one piece of advice we could give without having to look it up was, Do Nothing. You would be surprised at the amount of people that ask for your advice and then do exactly that, nothing.

Fire Back, this is an option that I tend to opt for, however I have since learnt that it is a symptom of being self-destructive, hang on forgot that one…

F) Self-Destruct

Fire Back, yep I do that alright, the saying goes, you hurt me or mine and I’ll ‘ave ya! Have I actually never physically harmed anyone. No not unintentionally. It seems that my bark is enough and tends to be an adequate threat. You could say that I have a vocal cannon on board.

Abandon Ship, done that as well. The number of projects that lay abandoned and discarded and dreams I’ve left behind. How do I justify this mode? I am a trier. I used to think it was a bad thing, but as I have increased in age (no I haven’t got old) I have realised that being able to say, “I’ve tried that.” Is better than regretting never having done anything. The cliché has been used.

Surrender, not I might add the same as Abandoning Ship.

Interlude: This is sad, get the tissues out.

I surrendered once. I gave up riding motorcycles, I gave up my freedom to work, to be independent and to living up to my values. I’m not saying that it was because I was married, but it was who I was married to. It lasted a year and a day. Yep it took that long to realise I’d put up my boxing gloves and thrown away my leather jacket.

Surrendering is about leaving behind everything you know you are and letting the world take over. Being subject to other people’s values and their whims and fancies. Waking up and starting a revolution was a revelation.

Die! Straight to the point.

Let’s get back to Self-Destruction. That’s easy, I push the button cause a ruckus and walk away. A painting I don’t like, black paint, a piece of writing that isn’t quite right, Delete…

I recently abandoned a relationship. I was straight to the point. He asked where I’d been, in a text. Did he call because he was concerned, message me in the last year? Turn up on my doorstep? NO. He sent me a text and asked why he hadn’t seen me on Facebook.

“I’ve been ill and I blocked you because of all the negative posts and the political arguments you were having.”

The reply was simply, “Thanks for that.”

You see I have realised that this relationship has for the past 34 years gone full circle and has ended so I was straight to the point. I did try talking to him before I blocked him, just to see if there was an underlying problem, but that was met with hostility, so, I chose to abandon this relationship.

You see life is never straight forward, it twists and turns, sometimes you go around in circles. I’ve got to the point whereby I’ve slowed down enough to see the path I’m taking, there are good vistas and there are those that need dealing with, whether I abandon the path, destroy it or choose to go another way, I don’t think I’ll ever get straight to the point, a bit like this blog.

 

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