Good morning World. I can say that with authority. It is a good morning. I’ve got hair that a scarecrow would envy, someone has to. My mouth has become the burial ground for something that grew up on a dung heap, either that or I have a piece of chicken stuck between my teeth and the beautiful sound of screeching seagulls outside my window. Which is quite something considering I live in Greater Manchester.
I’m happy, in fact I’m over the bloody moon, I thought of knocking the American flag over whilst I was up there but couldn’t find it. Funny thought, could it have been a conspiracy!
I’ve discovered, and here comes the guru bit, that Happiness is in fact a lot of tosh. It isn’t something we can make for ourselves by thinking positively, practicing self-care or seeking the good in life and being grateful. Happiness is just a mood like any other. And there lies the secret. Happiness comes and goes just as grief, anger, pain, anguish and sadness. It is a construct and can only be measured by the individual. Guru bit over with.
So why, pray tell, am I happy today? The answer is simple, I don’t know. Why I’ve got up with a spring in my step and a song on my lips is a complete surprise to me. The kitchen looks as though the devil had a rave in there overnight. I was so stuffed after the roast chicken meal I just couldn’t face clearing up yesterday.
If I open my mouth and let the song out, Mark will have a fit, it’s 6am. Which in turn means I slept for about 5 hours.
Maybe it’s because I’m writing again. Maybe it’s because I spent the day yesterday with my bubble friend.
Interlude: For anyone reading this in an archive 500 years in my future let me explain “Bubble friend”. 1. We are in the middle of a Pandemic 2. Government guidelines change daily. 3. We as a family of 2 can have one friend that lives alone, that we can hug. Hence my bubble friend.
Maybe it’s because….
Maybe it’s just because it’s my turn to be happy. Surely that’s it. Surely, we can’t have that much rubbish thrown at us throughout our life that we can’t have Happiness. There has to be a balance. After all, if the World was lopsided we’d all fall off. If we all had the same emotions at the same time, a) it would be bloody boring and b) I think we would all be dead by now or so happy that we would forget our responsibilities and the World would collapse into chaos. That’s why I believe there has to be greedy men, angry men, just men and happy men. Balance.
The secret is holding the emotion and using it. Using the pain to learn not to put our hands into boiling water. Learning that grief is justified and a needed emotion to help our brains come to terms with loss. Holding on to that one glimpse of a smile, a laugh you had with your friend, the hug you had with your dad at three years old and the feeling of Happiness when you wake up.
The euphoria I woke up with this morning is wearing off now, I have a day ahead of me, my kitchen is to be rearranged as a new dishwasher is to be installed. My head is starting to itch. The new medication I’m on is making my hair full out again, and the coffee hasn’t removed the taste of death in my gob.
I’m still happy, I’ve written today. I’m going to carry the Happiness with me. The weight of today’s tasks is beginning to encroach. My Happiness today will be in knowing that I started this day with a story that I’ve shared.